Loosing
by Sethoz
Summary: Daniel Jackson can't seem to stop Loosing. Set during 'Shades of Gray. Fin


Disclaimer: I really have to work on the stories I've already started but this little fic jumped into my head and wouldn't go away. It's a Tag, set during 'Shades of Gray'. (First Tag I've ever written!)   
  
the characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-1 Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infingement upon those rights and solely meant for enterainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property myself.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
~Loosing.~  
  
It should hurt, but it doesn't.   
  
Part of him wondered why it didn't hurt. It should, it should hurt so badly that the pain kills his soul.  
  
Yet, while Daniel stood there, watching his best friend, his rock, the one person he thought he could always depend on, walk out of his life he felt nothing but a numbness.   
  
Jack had always been the one person Daniel trusted. After his parents death, he had closed himself off emotionally, preferring the comfort of books to the comfort of people. Some of his foster mothers had tried to hug him but the only woman Daniel wanted a hug from had died years ago, crushed to death.  
  
So Daniel filed away the pain and grief of his parents death and never allowed himself to think about it again.  
  
Daniel was doing the same thing here. He hugged himself, his thin arms clamped around his body as Jack walked up the ramp. Daniel wanted to run after him and beg Jack not to go.  
  
//Don't leave me. Don't leave our friendship. I thought I mattered to you... I thought all of SG-1 mattered to you... I thought Earth mattered to you. Was I wrong? \\ he thought to himself, cold tears welling up in eyes. He felt them slip past his eyelids and run down his cheek. He was crying, that meant he should be feeling something, anything else than the cold numbness.  
  
The whole of Daniel's poster screamed 'Little boy lost'.  
  
Daniel filed away this moment, even as it was happening in his 'never look at again' part of his mind. It was just like the other times, just like being turned away by Nick, just like every time he got sent away from a foster home.  
  
No.  
  
This time was different. It was different because this time Daniel had been a big enough fool to actually buy into all this nonsense about friends and trust. He should have kept all of SG-1 on the other side of the curtain, he should have stopped them from getting into his heart.   
  
Didn't he learn after what happened to Sha're?   
  
Why didn't he learn after her? Being distant was better than this cold numb feeling. Anything was better than this.  
  
//Space-monkey! Yeah.\\  
  
Daniel blinked and re-focused, pushing the memory of him out of his head. Jack had paused in front of the open wormhole and was talking to Sam. She was shaking her head.  
  
He forced himself to watch, his blue eyes filled with ice and unshed tears. Jack stepped though the gate without another word.  
  
It was as if a dam had broken inside of Daniel. The tears changed from cold, silent ones, to hot, noisy ones.   
  
It suddenly hurt.  
  
It hurt so bad.  
  
//Damn-it Jack! Why did I let myself trust you! I thought our friendship meant something... I thought I had a friend... Jack...\\ he did nothing to stop the stream of tears that ran down his face, he just let them fall.  
  
After a while he finally turned from the now closed gate, his eyes empty of tears and warmth. This was it, this was the last time he would let anyone get into his heart. Why did he never learn?  
  
After his parents death he should have learnt...  
  
After Nick refusing to adopt him he should have learnt...  
  
After never getting adopted he should have got it...  
  
After loosing Sha're he really should have learnt it...  
  
After loosing Jack, he deiced that he really had learnt. This was it, the cut off point. This was the end of the road.  
  
"Goodbye Jack." he whispered, before leaving the room and then the base.  
  
There was a bottle of whiskey somewhere with his name on it.  
  
~End~  
  
Now that you have read this, please take the time to leave a review. *hopeful grin*  
  
Please.  
  
~Sethoz 


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